There is something that is a key way of life here that I haven't really described yet: visiting. Weeks here haven't looked identical but one element that is always the same is visiting people in and around Bouaké. We visit old and new friends of Rod and Angelika, people from church, people who have a need, workers from campus, really anyone that any of us can claim any minute connection with. Visiting people here isn't wildly different than in the states but there are enough differences that it needs a small explication
Generally, visits will look something like this:
-D'abord, you shake hands, as usual you never use your left hand here. If a person's hand is dirty they might offer their wrist or elbow to you instead. As you shake hands you both say, "Bonjour, ça va?" (Hello/Good day, how are things going?). To be polite you always answer "Ça va" with "Bien" or "Oui, ça va" (Well or Yes, it's going); you don't want to burden the other person with your problems, at least not during the greeting.
-Puis, they ask you to sit, sometimes in a living room inside but often in their courtyard which operates as their living room. You might sit in a chair, on a small wooden bench, or on a mat on the floor. They go to fetch you water as you sit down. As you drink your water, you ask them how they're family is, their husband/wife, their work, etc and they ask you the same. You still generally say everything is going well, this can depend on how well you know the person though.
-Then they ask you for 'les nouvelles' the news. Essentially they're asking why you came to visit. Since I'm still building relationships here, my visits have mostly been simply 'to greet'/to say hello, which is a perfectly good reason to visit a person here.
-Then you go on with your visit, perhaps chit chat or catch up. If you're going to bring up a problem you might be having this is the time to do it.
-Enfin, when you need to leave you don't simply say goodbye, you must first ask for the road, "Je veux demander la route." They will say yes, or they might just give you part of the road (indicating that they'd like you to return). Usually you continue talking for a few more minutes about this or that. When you leave the host gets up as well and walks you to the road, or your car. The closer the relationship, the farther they will walk you.
There is a rhythm and a sort of unofficial protocol to the way you share information during a visit. In our first week here we visited a church as a group and met the pastor as well as some elders of the church. Rod would tell them information about us to one man and then they would pass the information one by one until each of the men had heard. The first time seeing it, it's vaguely reminiscent of the school game called Telephone except they don't whisper; they simply state the information at a normal volume. So the whole group ends up hearing the same thing a few times. This not only helps everyone understand and naturally allows for translation (not only for us, but some Ivoirians don't understand French as well as their ethnic language) but it also helps diffuse tension in a conflict situation. The 'rules' about this seem to be very fluid, they change depending on the group and the relationship.
When you visit a person you bring them honor with your visit, which is basically the opposite of what I've experienced in the US. At home if you want to show someone that you value them and your relationship, you invite them over to your house for a meal. Add this to the relationship based culture and suddenly there are a lot more reasons for visiting people here.
When you're in an area where you friend lives or works, it's rude not to visit them. They'll probably assume that their is some sort of conflict between the two of you.
Sitting together is better than being alone, so it's not strange to visit and not say much of anything. The host is still honored.
When a person is sick, you go to visit them. You don't necessarily say anything, in fact it's better if you just sit with them.
If you visit someone and they're eating when you arrive, it's rude to not sit down and eat with them when they offer. If they're not eating yet, they will most likely ask you to stay for the next meal, even if it's a few hours away. In this case it's ok to say, "Non, pardon, prochaînement" (No, sorry, next time).
I tried to post this earlier but had some internet difficulties. Since originally writing this blog I've had my biggest 'visiting' adventure yet: living alone with an Ivoirian family for two days!! It was an amazing experience. Hopefully I'll get a blog about that soon (as soon as the internet allows!).
